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Lock me up, I’ve killed again!

As you can see by the condition of my once-lovely ranunculus, I am atrociously bad with plants. Over the past few years, I’ve tried in vain to find one that doesn’t hate me with every fiber of his little green being, but it seems like an impossible task. Basil, parsley, geraniums, tulips, succulents – no matter what it is, its leaves start shriveling up the second they come through the front door.

And I swear I’m not a negligent plant parent! I talk to them, give them plenty of water, and lug them up to the rooftop when I’m worried they don’t get enough sunlight in the apartment. I even sprinkle bits of eggshells in the soil for a nutritious snack, but nothing seems to be effective against my mighty black thumb.

I really should just accept this fact of life and invest in some plastic flowers, but I can’t help bringing new ones home with the stubborn hopes that things will be different this time. My photo should be sent to flower shops in the entire neighborhood so they can lock their doors when I come prowling around, in search of new victims to bring back to my lair of doom.

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24 Responses to armed & dangerous

  1. awww, I’m the same way! I need to take a class or something on how not to kill everything I touch. I keep telling myself I just can’t keep potted plants alive but if I were to have a garden out back then I’d be Martha Stewart’s hero.

  2. Holly says:

    omg this is so funny but sad.

    plant food? =P

  3. Tang says:

    Hahaha. Don’t worry, we’ve all killed one at some point! Ummm what about some cactus plants?

  4. something_creative says:

    Maybe you should try a cactus. They are really really hard to kill, even I have one thriving in my apartment. Not exactly very flowery though…

  5. michelle says:

    I’m the same way, except I have a tendency to kill herbs.

  6. Jennifer @ Darling Notes says:

    I feel your pain! Every spring I plant flowers in pots for the front porch — they are typically dead within the month! Sad plants :(

  7. jennifer says:

    hahahah i was almost going to post about the poor fate of my cilantro plant today! i’ve had him exactly 5 days. :( he doesn’t look so good..

  8. Aw, oh no! Don’t give up! Try to find the least fussy plant in the world. I’d suggest something, but I’ve no idea what that would be. All plants are different so it’s hard for just about anyone!

  9. Belly B says:

    Just realised Erin already suggested it. It’s a popular choice! ;)

  10. Belly B says:

    Hahha try a cactus! ;)

    Belly B

  11. I’m always killing plants. But we bought a ton of succulents for our garden and no matter how much I neglect them they keep on thriving. And so do the weeds, but that’s another story.

  12. Lillian (Unstitched.) says:

    I so feel you, Gloria! My solution – I brought one of those easy outdoor garden plants from Home Depot home and I only have to water it once a week. Those things are un-killable :) I’ve heard begonias are great too. :) Good luck – don’t give up! ;)

  13. lizzie says:

    i’ve got the black thumb too, gloria. tried succulents or cactus?

  14. Don’t worry I did the same thing to my azaleas. I need a plant that needs no sun or water…and still looks pretty!

  15. Lena says:

    Gah, I have a terribly brown thumb, too! The only thing I’ve ever managed to make grow were American Beauty roses, but I think the magic of my parents’ clay soil was the real trick!

  16. Gloria says:

    @Christine: that is absolutely hilarious!! i’m going to be totally suspicious now if plants suddenly start to thrive under my care :-)

  17. Angel @ | 77inspire | says:

    Oh oh keep watering it, maybe it will come alive again… we have plants here in beijing but we travel a lot and left some plants for over a month while we were in the states. we got back and they were totally dead…

    no joke, they came a live again! i was so sad and didn’t want to throw them away so i watered it…

    this is a flower though so im not sure ours was just a green plant.

  18. Christine says:

    Aww, this is so cute! I had an orchid once that died (those things never last) while we were on vacation. My mom-in-law replaced it with a silk flower and I didn’t even notice! I watered that thing for months all proud of my accomplishment… you just need someone to play a mind trick on you ;)

  19. Gloria says:

    @Erin: If I ever manage to kill a cactus, I’m callin’ it quits!

    @Hannah: Orchids are easy?! They look so delicate and hard to care for that I’ve never had the courage to even attempt to raise one. Hmmmm…(cue evil laughter)

  20. Hmm….maybe you are over-watering? Or maybe it just bloomed out and will be a while before it blooms again. The plant still looks pretty healthy!

    Orchids are really easy. They thrive on neglect. Maybe try those. ;)

  21. Dear Gloria,

    I believe in you. And you fail ten more times, well, then maybe I’ll just trust you’re really good at blogging and being fun and should consider concentrating on that. J/k! Sorry I can’t help, I’m an utter drop out when it comes to plants.

  22. Erin Lian says:

    I recommend cacti :P

  23. Oh noooo poor ranunculus!! They are absolutely and completely my favourite flower! But I’m the same, I’ve never managed to keep a plant alive for very long, I’ve just decided I’m clearly not grown up enough for plants yet! :)

  24. Thanks for visiting my blog and saying hi! I just fell in love with your pretty blog! I’m like this too – when I bring home a plant, mark jokes that I brought it home to hospice :( but i love them so much!!